On this day...
Had I known that satan was after me yesterday, I would not have worn my loyal black bra. I would not have worn my new black and yellow tights which introduced the world to my buttocks after two seconds. I would not have bothered to paint my eyebrows or waste foundation that I had to save for three months to get. I would have stayed in bed, watching TikTok videos while releasing silent killer bombs inside the bedsheets. I woke up bloated yesterday morning after a night of drinking several glasses of snake tears, rice and beans. My stomach was so big I had to check my calendar to confirm whether I had entertained the one eyed guest of honor and it's liquid children. But there was no need to check because the last time I hosted such a fellow, the year was 1950 just before colonizer declared a state of emergency. So now I'm in the kitchen with my big stomach full of gas. Satan, whispers to me " drink ACV with mother you will feel better". Without a second thought, I mixed...